I know that I am not alone in saying that the year 2020 has been one that has tested my resolve, my strength, my patience, and quite literally, my sanity. With all the social and global stress, anxiey, and loss, 2020 will most likely be remembered as the year that we simply survived, and while this is true for me, it is also the year that I was awarded with the greatest gift of my life, which my dearest friend Jen gave to me on her deathbed.
There were only two weeks between hearing that Jen had a rare form of liver cancer and her passing. I had no time to mentally and emotionally prepare myself for losing the person that I was closest to in the world. I knew that I had to spend as much time with her as possbile, as each minute now was truly a gift to be grateful for. As I drove to the hospice center to see Jen for the very last time, my mind was replaying the years of memories that we made together and my heart was breaking because I never thought that I would have to go through life without her. I didn't want to go through life without her. I didn't want her to leave me. As I started to get angry about being so selfish, a gentle energy settled over me and I heard a quiet voice say to me, "You are being a gift that many are never rewarded with. You have the opportunity to tell your friend all that she means to you and how much you love her."
A calmness came over me and I knew that I did indeed have a unique opportunity to tell someone how much they meant to me before it was too late. I shifted my energy and focus and geared myself up to share my heart and my love with Jen. When I pulled into the hospice center, I had to take a few moments to center myself and gather up my courage. This was something that I had never experienced before so my anxiety was palpable and my heart was pounding.
When I entered her room, my heart stopped at the sight of my friend looking so frail lying in her hospital bed. As I sat next to her, her husband told me that she was given a dose of morphine 15 minutes ago so sadly, she wouldn't wake up for awhile but as soon as I said her name, her eyes opened. She turned her head towards me and reached out and placed her hand upon my cheek and smiled. The significance of the moment was not lost on me and I leaned in and through my tears, I told her how much I loved her, how much our friendship meant to me, and how I would carry her with me always. As the sobs started taking over, I asked her to please come and visit me when she could because I still needed her in my life. She gave me one last look, squeezed my hand, and closed her eyes. It was the last Earthly conversation that I had with my sweet friend and I will cherish the memory of it forever.
A week later I awoke to see a text messgae from Jen's husband letting me know that she had passed during the evening. It doesn't matter if you know that someone's passing is inevitable, the shock of it actually happening still drops you to your knees. As I was crumpled on my kitchen floor, I felt a gentle presence behind me and before I could turn to see who was beside me, I heard her voice, "Kara, it's me Jen. I'm here. I'm okay Kara. I'm really okay. I love you."
Wow. That's all I can say. Just wow. Eventhough I would never see her again in the physical sense, I knew that I hadn't actually lost my sweet friend, we just moved into a different phase of our relationship. We are now bonded and connected in a Spiritual way that is more precious and valuable than I ever thought possible.
When I am having a tough time or I am missing having a friend whom I can call when I need to hear a friendly voice, I still have my friend Jen. I ask her to come and visit and she has yet to miss a date with me. Gone are the boundaries of time and space. We now can reunite whenever we wish and wherever we wish.
I knew that I learned a lot from my friendship with Jen and I know that the lessons I learned are too important to keep to myself, so I am dedicated to sharing those lessons with you all. I want to share my gifts with as many people as I can, so you too can expereince the wonder, joy, and beauty that the Spiritual world has to offer. Our loved ones are never truly gone, they live on and want to connect with you just as much as you want to connect with them. I can not explain how healing it is to know that there are ways to maintain and continue to grow the relationships that are most precious to us.
I hold the gift but you hold the door, and together we can walk through and feel the healing powers of the Spiritual Realm.