Stepping Out of the Darkness

Today's post is sort of a follow-up to my last post as I realized that I have brought forth a subject that may have touched some who read it in a very vulnerable way. The subject that I am referring to is that of sexual abuse, which I know many have been a victim to and I want to address and share how I have used my skills and gifts to help me through the journey of recovery through such a dark process.

Growing up in an abusive household left me feeling very worthless, hopeless, and totally devoid of any real purpose in life. There weren't many indicators that proved the opposite, but then again, I wasn't looking for them either. It wasn't until recently that I could look back over the course of my life and see all of the signs and guidance that I was given that helped me continue on and not give up.

A major sign that I received that went unnoticed by me occurred on a night that should have, by all reason and logic, been my last here on Earth. I was 23 at the time and was heavily embedded in a life of alcoholism. I couldn't function and live in a household with my abusers without it and I didn't function very well with it. On this particular night a friend and myself drove to a campsite where some mutual friends of ours were camping. Upon reaching the site, we joined our friends on a walk in the woods. It was late at night, pitch dark and there were only two or three flashlights between the seven of us. We reached a railroad bridge that crossed over the Delaware River and we proceeded single file across the bridge. Upon reaching the middle of the bridge, we heard a train approaching down the tracks and considering that I had never been on this particular bridge before and I could barely see, I followed the steps of my friend directly ahead of me. I matched my feet parallel to his and sat down and leaned back, assuming that there were braces behind me. There were in fact braces behind me, but what I didn't know was that there was a five foot gap between the bridge and the brace and I fell right through that gap and started plummeting to the river below.

Math or physics were never my areas of expertise but I'm fairly certain that the rate at which I fell to the Earth would have been pretty fast, but that is not at all what I experienced during my free-fall. To this day, I remember the whole event with perfect clarity and recall. Once my body left the bridge and I was surrounded by nothing but the night sky, something happened that was miraculous and Divinely led. I felt a peace and freedom envelope me and for that brief period of time, I felt completely untethered from my Earthly life. There was no fear, no sadness, no shame, no guilt- there was just blissful silence. The journey down seemed to take a very long time and it seemed to happen in slow motion. I remember thinking, "Oh my God, I fell off the bridge!!" And a what felt like minuted later, "Oh my God, I'm still falling!" Never once did my life flash before my eyes nor did the thought that I was about to die enter my mind. On the contrary, I felt serene and I was actually enjoying the sensation of being weightless.

I didn't feel the impact of my fall, I just felt the very shallow river beneath me and I immediately stood up and starting walking to the shore. That was the moment that Life came rushing back to me. I heard the friends that I had left on the bridge above screaming and yelling and frantically running to the edge of the river. They were talking about driving downstream, because that is where my body surely would have been floating by this point. I yelled out to them and when their flashlight's beam found me, they were shocked to see me completely alive and standing in the middle of the river.

Two weeks later, something compelled me to drive to the No. 9 bridge and see it in the daylight. As I started to walk across the bridge, my legs started shaking because I am a little unnerved by heights and I had no idea how high up the bridge was from the river. When I got to the center of the bridge, I knelt down and peered through the gap that I had fallen through and I immediately realized that I was lucky to be alive and that it was not dumb luck that it was so. I knew that I was saved that night and that it was not my time to go. My gratitude was not immediate, but that is part of the lesson that I was to learn in the years to come.

It was only when I began this journey into my renewed spirituality, that I realized the integral part that my connection to the Universe is what allowed me to survive a life plagued with abuse and neglect. Through several Divine interventions along my way, I was able to keep my resolve and continue fighting for another day. The journey through all of the pain and shame in trying to accept what my family has done to me and many others was only possible with the guidance that I have received through my Spirit Guides and Angels. They constantly reminded me that I have a bigger purpose in this life and that my past has allowed me to connect to many others who have endured similar circumstances. It has allowed me to be empathetic rather than bitter, compassionate rather than angry, and open rather than shut down and closed off.

There are days when I falter and fall, but I know that everything will be okay and that things will work out as they are suppose to and in their own time. I often struggle with making decisions as I still carry the fear of disappointing others, but all I have to do to quell those fears and get the answers that I am seeking is to take time to do some Reiki and a reading, so I can connect with the Universal energy. I have never been led astray and no matter how challenging the day, I always close my sessions with more hope and energy than when I started. I can now wake in the morning and not fear that something bad is going to happen, instead, I now wake in the morning with excitement about all of the good things that are going to occur and all of the blessings that I will given.

I have learned a lot over the last 46 years of my life and I continue to learn each day and it is my hope that I can share all that I have learned with others, so that I may help them to find their way through the dark days. I always available for a private chat if you would like more information or simply need someone to listen, all you have to do is subscribe to the website.